Ebay

Alright, so I admit it, I'm obsessed with Ebay. I've gotten better since when I first discovered it and was spending allll my money on it. But, now it's a bit more controlled. I bought an ipod because I could sell my old one and buy a new one for about the same price. I bought a watch for cheap because I broke mine. I bought a pair of jeans because, well, I wanted them. Alright, so my excuses aren't fabulous, but I do like shopping online.

But anyways the point of my story is that I wanted to start selling stuff. The first thing that I tried to sell was my ipod. It's a piece of shit, but I knew that when I bought it and it generally serves it's purpose. I listed that it's possessed, and only holds a charge for about four hours because I didn't anyone to accuse me of ripping them off. Three hours after I listed it, this guy buys it straight away. He didn't even bid on it, just did the buy it now option. So when I woke up and found out that I had sold it already, I was thrilled. Then, I get these two emails from him:

Hello,
Compliment of the season to you,I am kelvin john from TN USA,but Presently in London,UK for a church seminal.I saw your product item below on ebay #260011110941 and i am really intrested in buying it for my Daugther as a surprise gift for her in school(university of lagos)at Nigeria and i will handle the shipment expenses.i will send you my fedex account so you will not pay no money for shipping. I will be sending you payment via PayPal,so kindly send me your PAYPAL EMAIL ADDRESS so as to immedaitely make out your payment and make sure you get the package ready for shipment,you can ship the item as soon as you recieve the paypal confirmation. Expecting your reply so as to immediately make out the payment. Regards, kelvin john


and...

Hello,
I have made out my payment to you for this item purchase (260011110941),So check your mail for the comfirmation mail from paypal.Get back to me immediately if you receive the confirmation mail from paypal and don't forget to send me your physical contact address and the exact time you will be at home tomorrow so that i can send you the label and invoice that you will paste on the package.And when you have done all that i will also schedule Fedex to come and pick them up from you in other to reduce the stress of you driving down to their location to send it but still you can also send it youself if you like..Hope to hear from you soon. Sincerely. Thanks

Weird right?

So I emailed him back and wrote that I didn't feel comfortable doing that and it was a big inconvenience for me to sit around and wait for Fedex to come because I have shit to do. I waited for a response and when I didn't get one, I made out a shipping label and shipped it to Tennessee. I thought that everything was hunky dorry. But, um WRONG! I ended up getting the package back from USPS and the shipment tracker said that the address I had sent the package to did not exist. So, I called up paypal and they said that they didn't have him in their system. This shithead made up a fake paypal email saying that he had paid me and then wanted to take care of the shipping and get the package and then I'd never be able to get him!!! How fucking ridiculous is that!!! So I reported him and his email to ebay and paypal and forwarded the emails.

But I'm still so pissed about it. So this is what I did. I wrote him and email telling him to fuck off (childish I know, but I got a kick out of it) and then, I went on all the porn, sex, and male enhancement sites that I could find and signed him up for them using the email address that he supplied. I know that he probably won't check the email address, but it's great to think that if he does, he's going to have 600 emails saying "60% INCREASE IN PENIS SIZE IN 2 DAYS" and "HOTSEXY 80 YEAR OLD MASTURBATES TO YOU."

What really kills me is that he said he was at a church seminar in London. Yeah, fucking right. What a scumbag. I hope he gets a veneral disease on his face.