Worse than the time I got lost in Canada

May I just begin this by saying that my trip to Melbourne this past weekend was the worst trip that I've ever been on. This is including the trip to Canada to get fake ids where we got in a car accident and then got lost for four hours in Niagra Falls, the time I drove 16 hours from Ohio to Long Beach Island on New Years Eve only to get lost in Jersey for 7 of those hours aaaaand it includes the time I went to Florida and sprained my ankle playing tennis in Orlando and had to be carted around the theme parks in a wheelchair.

The trip started off at 4 am. We called a taxi, got to the aiport on time and saw that there was no one at the counter. So we waited about a half hour for everyone to actually arrive to work and then checked in, okay no problem. Caught some breakfast and then got on the plane. Nice plane ride, Rob and I slept most of the way. We arrived at the Melbourne airport and saw that, yikes we were so far away from the city. We caught a shuttle bus to the city and were on our way. At the first stop, I look to the right and thought to myself that what I saw was an innercity school. Run down looking and there were little kids everywhere. Oops, but guess what, the driver announced that this was the stop for Hotel Bakpak. Yikes, the inner city school was our hostel. Alright, I can deal with this, can't be too bad, they just don't take care of the outside of the hostel, whatever. So we get into the hostel, looks a bit like Wake Up in Sydney, no problem. There was a long line because it was St. Patty's Day and the Commonwealth Games. People were actually being told that there were no rooms available (and, in retrospect, I wish I had been one of those people). We get to the counter, they take our ids (as a key deposit I guess, but the sign above the checkin girl said replacement keys were only $1, so I don't get how that merits her keeping our ids. I brought an extra id but Rob had to turn in his key to get his id everytime we left) and then proceed to our room. The elevator was ghetto as hell. Twice I thought it was just going to plummet to the ground, and that was just in the first ride. We entered our room and the first thing we noticed was the pungent smell of sweaty gym clothes. I'm guessing that it was the carpet because later, when we left our door open, a girl from across the hall came over and offered us some of her room spray (kind of ineffectual-- sort of like spraying perfume on a decaying corpse). There were no linens on the bed and we wanted to take a nap. Rob went downstairs and grabbed some sheets, but they had no pillows for us. But we napped anyways.

I knew that this hostel was bad news when I woke up from my nap. Within three hours of being there, I had already had a nightmare about this place. It wasn't just a monster nightmare... it was 'a strange man was in bed with me and drugged me and then carted me off to Istanbul and sold me into slavery' kind of nightmare. The cleaning lady came and gave us, actually me but not Rob, pillows and a comforter. While making my bed, she threw my luggage off of it and said "fucking idiots." Um, lady, I'm sitting right here. Whatever though, we continued our nap after she left. When we woke up, we showered (first encounter with the gross as hell bathroom... see previous post) and got ready. We walked around the city for a bit, had lunch at this cute italian place, and did a little bit of shopping.

When we got back to the hostel, we got ready to go out and began the night from hell. We were going to meet up with Danielle, someone everyone met on the Sydney trip, and Lily. We stood in line outside of this bar Pugg something or other for, no joke, an hour and a half. We met three nice Australian girls, I can only remember the one girls name Narelle cause it was so odd, and continued to wait and wait. As we got closer to the front these three asshole guys cut us and about six other people, so I told them off a bit and asked them to move. Fucking idiots looked at me like I had two heads and didn't move. Then they had some stupid fight about someone's mother and started running into Rob. I was so pissed off. They finally left, I applauded, and then we got in the bar. Literally two seconds after we actually got in, Lily came and we had to leave. We went outside to get her, went to the ATM, and then Danielle arrived. She was already in line and we joined her. The line wasn't too long this time, and we went in to get our first beer at 11:30. Two car bombs was all Rob and I drank all night. The bar was way too crowded, the bartenders were retarded and it was just awful. We collectively decided to leave and go somewhere else. The girl at the hostel (same one who later directed us to the wrong fucking airport) told us about another bar that was popular. After a 5 dollar cabride (we didn't know it was around the corner) we walked up to the bar. There was fencing all around it, making it look like a county fair. There was a 10 dollar cover, which we were prepared to pay, but they weren't even letting anyone in.

So we tried to find a cab home. What a fucking ordeal that was. We walked down the street the opposite way that we had come and tried to hail a cab-- No go. We walked up another street and still tried, still no luck. We walked and walked and walked and still no cab. We even made it back to where we had started (it was like 2 am by this time) and still no cab. We walked to a main intersection, near the University of Melbourne campus, and even called a cab. We waited at the intersection for 20 more minutes and Lily called the cap company again. They hadn't even called a taxi yet for us. They gave her a hard time about not knowing what address we were at and hung up on her. Fucking douchebags. So we walked back to an intersection closer to the bar we had been at in the beginning of the night. We got a cab for Lily straight off the bat. After seeing three cabs basically taken from us, Rob and I finally got a cab ride how. This cab driver tried to take us for a ride by going to wrong direction, but Rob made him turn around. He couldn't turn down the street that the hostel was on (I don't know why, there were no signs and it wasn't a one way) and dropped us off in front of 7/11. We went in to get breakfast for the morning and a snack. Then, at about 3 am, we got back to our hostel and the both double doors were wide open. Also, there was no one at the front desk. We waited for about 10 minutes so that Rob could get his door key in exchange for his id, but no one was there. Real safe.

We ate our snacks in the hall and laughed about how awful the hostel was and what a shitty night it had been. We were in hell!! (didn't even know that it got worse over the course of the weekend too). We went to bed and prepared to be up in 4 hours for the Great Ocean Road.

The Great Ocean Road was the only redeeming factor from this past weekend. We met some really awesome girls, Sybil, Brittany, Laura, and their friends, a scottish family, and two scottish women, Lilian and Marian. The bus ride was so fun, just talking about everything. The scenery was amazing (see pictures) and we got to take a helicopter ride. We got back from the trip at about 10 pm and I just crashed. I called Lily to tell her that I couldn't make it out that night and just passed out while spooning my Sensation and Perception book (what was I thinking, there's no studying in hell). Rob went out, and oops, when I woke up he wasn't home. The first thought that ran through my mind was that he had gotten arrested. At 7 am, I was positive that Rob had been arrested in Melbourne.

Our checkout time was 10 am and by 9:30, Rob was still no where to be found. I checked out and waited in the cafe for him. And waited and waited and waited. Finally, after I had finished the review that I put on the previous blog and had breakfast, Rob strolls in. Forty five minutes later we're outta the hostel. Because that hostel had no free lockers to put our baggage in, we went to a different one. Then, we went exploring a bit.

There wasn't really much to do, even when you looked at the map. Mostly, it was just pretty buildings (combined with hundreds of people down in federation square because of the commonwealth games) and a few museums. I wish we had gotten the chance to go to an art museum, but we made it to the aquarium and the Immigration Museum. The Immigration Museum was pretty cool. I didn't want to go in it at first, didn't really know what it was about, but I'm glad that we did. It was interesting and very impressively put together. That and the Great Ocean Road were the highlights of the trip.

It was almost time to go so Rob and I made our way back to pick up our luggage and wait for the shuttle. We stopped to buy postcards and I bought a shirt for my cousin and then we stopped again so I could buy an external hard drive (random) and a cd.

So, here's where the real fun began. This was the icing on the fucking cake. More like the icing on the fucking shit cake. We waited for the shuttle that the girl at the front desk had given me a flyer for. I asked her earlier if they had a shuttle timetable and she went to grab for a pamphlet and then asked what airline we were flying. I told her jetstar and she put the pamplet down and then handed me another one and said, oh that's a different one. So, fast forward to Rob and I getting on this shuttle. Wasn't really a shuttle actually, more like a tour bus, but there were a lot of people on it. Both of us passed out and waited till we got to the airport.

Fastforward about an hour or so. I wake up and freak out. I finally realized that we were on a shuttle to the airport, but then freaked again when I looked outside. We were in the bush. Scratch that, we were in the outback. There was no Melbourne to be seen at all, just fields and a large mountain. I tapped Rob on the head and say "I don't think this is right." I didn't even see a real airport anywhere. I finally located the airport, which was a shed. I kid you not, it was a shed in the middle of the outback. And I had thought that this weekend could not have gotten worse.

But, I reasoned to myself, this might be right, I saw a jetstar sign. It doesn't feel right, but look, that's the airline we're flying. So, Rob and I queue and wait to check in. When we get to the desk, I immediately say "I don't think we're in the right place," as I handed the guy my paper. He promptly responded with "nope, you're not." I started crying as I explained what had happened. I was fuming mad and tired and frustrated and the only way I could express it was by balling my eyes out. The guy went to talk to his manager and we finally got switched to an 8 o'clock flight to Brisbane (2 hours after our flight was supposed to leave for Coolangata plus an hour and a half train time). We checked into that flight and I got on the phone with the hostel. The manager was not in, so there was not much that the guy at the desk could do for me, but I will be calling the manager soon. I'm still so pissed about it, and there's an even better reason for me to be so that I found when we landed. But first, the flight was terrible. There were two screaming, no sorry, howling babies and the lady behind me was a bitch. Also, one of the flight attendants was kind of rude to us and I paid 4 dollars for ramen noodles, which I then proceeded to spill in my lap. But we landed and got our baggage. Then we went to go catch a train. As we climb up to the train, we see the sign indicating that we were shit out of luck for getting back to the Gold Coast that way. We had three options a. get a cab into Brisbane and stay the night b. get a cab to the Gold Coast for 150 bucks or c. rent a car. Since neither of us wanted to test our luck with Brisbane, thinking that this weekend could only get worse with another hostel, we rented a car. We got to the car, got situated and Rob discovered that it was a stick shift. Although I can drive stick, it's been a few years since I have, and Rob doesn't know how at all. He ran back inside and barely caught the guy as he was leaving and finally, we had another car.

The trip back wasn't too bad. We made it back in one piece and Rob got the chance to drive for the first time. I got back to my room, tried for 2 hours to set up my external hard drive, got it to work finally and passed out. I slept until about 1 in the afternoon and am still trying to forget the trip to Melbourne. It may not sound so bad as I'm recounting it, but it was the fact that it was one shitty thing after another and it just made for a totally unenjoyable weekend.

To remember:
"We know that you have many options when flying to hell, thank you for choosing virgin airlines. Thank you, come again, buhbye."

"-Anybody going to the ninth circle? - No, sorry buddy, we're in the eighth"

"We are officially in HELLLLL"

"I hate this hostel"

"Condoleeza Rice, you are a war criminal"