Don't Touch My Goon Bag

Alright, I've renamed my last post because this title is more appropriate for this entry.

I've read books about how the 11 most dangerous things are in Australia. There needs to be a correction to this. The 12th most dangerous thing is also in Australia. It is... Australian Boxed Goon. This dangerous thing, also know as Goonaralius australianse, was discovered by the first American Bond Transfers in 1986. A relatively reclusive creature, it resides in cold and frigid climates waiting for it's prey. It can survive in warm climates as well but becomes a bit slugglish in such an environment. Unexpecting predators pounce on it for it's many enticing characteristics: ease of use, it's relative size compared with others of the same species, and frugality. Once procured and brought back to the predators' home, it hastily attacks one or many until it is nothing but a shriveled up bag. It is quickly thrown aside and the predators begin to experience it's dangerous side effects.

The symptoms that you have been attacked include, but are not limited to:

vomiting,

loss of higher order brain functioning,
severe muscle weakness,
loss of muscle control,
paraesthesia of the lips,
general lassitude,
myalgia,
and paradoxical sensory disturbances (feeling hot surfaces as cold and vice versa).

Goonaralius australianse also goes by such names as: Cardboard Champagne, Box Crazy, Silver Bag, and Box Wine. If you see this thing in its natural habitat, it is best to let it alone. Even if you do survive an attack, the symptoms listed above can last for as many as 24-48 hours after the attack.

I had the opportunity to study this scientific wonder this week and trust me, it should not be trifled with. Proceed with caution if ever you encounter it.